Nick Baumann

"I’d like to briefly address the complete moron in the Red Sox organization who insinuated to a reporter that Terry Francona had a problem with prescription pills. Dear Moron, Congratulations! You have just (a) attacked the best and most popular manager your team has ever had while (b) displaying a complete lack of institutional loyalty, which (c) pretty much guarantees that no one in his right mind will want to manage your team now, and (d) turned everyone against each other causing (e) massive paranoia which will undoubtedly lead to (f) a thousand more stories about how dysfunctional your organization is, which will only intensify the ill effects of (b,c,d,e). You are the worst person in the world. Quit."

"According to sources in and outside the organization, the Boston Red Sox were very bad at baseball in September, causing the team to miss the playoffs."

"Theo did ignore one of the most valuable rules in professional sports, namely, “Never spend big money on a free agent if there’s a good chance the fans from his old team will be giggling in disbelief as soon as they hear about the contract."